Feeling Better Was Never the Goal
Feeling Better Was Never the Goal
Can’t believe this was 8 years ago.
In 2016, I created a sanctuary in NYC.
Meditation. Sound. Spiritual herbalism. Energetic hygiene. Energy healing. Crystals. Energetic beauty. Food. Connection.
I was already well on the path for decades when these pictures were taken.
I just didn’t understand where it led.
For years, I thought the work was healing and wellness, then purpose and awakening.
It wasn’t.
“Feeling better” is a lovely stop along the way.
But I am increasingly tired of the “more.”
Instead, I want to know what needs to be edited out.
What are we carrying that continues to recreate the same body, the same relationships, the same choices, the same limitations, the same reality?
Past lives. Karma. Entities. Contracts. Energetic imprints. Ancestral material. Higher-dimensional entanglements.
They don’t need to become meaningful stories.
They may simply be doorways to clear out what’s been blocking us from moving beyond.
Like hitting that “Unsubscribe” button and then going back to mass delete everything from the same email address.
I no longer believe creating the future is primarily an act of visioning, manifesting, or becoming.
Creating the future needs to start with dismantling the distorted past so the future has a chance.
This is the path of liberation I am interested in.
Not becoming a better version of the self.
Not perfecting the human experience.
Not living a better version of the astrological chart—or entrapment—we are born under.
Not endlessly healing the identity.
When we arrive at what no longer needs to continue, we can see what remains and what becomes possible.
What do we build when we are no longer unconsciously rebuilding the past?
I still create.
Gardens. Art. Dance forms. Sound. Food. Spaces. Experiences.
But I understand creation, and the purpose of creation, differently now.
Sometimes the most consequential act of creation is dismantling the machinery that keeps producing what has already been.
This year, I purposely pared down what I work with and offer.
I gradually stopped hosting many of the things I knew how to host.
Things people enjoyed and I was great at.
Things that were beautiful, connective, and healing.
I am becoming increasingly unwilling to spend my time doing work that makes the human experience more comfortable when my real interest is in helping myself and others get out.
Something I have known was important since I was a child, while rarely hearing anyone talk about it.
So I started the year guiding groups through the deletion of the cumulative detrimental effects of their personal history.
Then collective covert programs and environmental effects.
And now, the energetic effects of the entrapments embedded in the astrological configurations we are born under.
The work has become increasingly specific and not for the faint of heart.
What have we mistaken for personality, destiny, karma, spiritual growth, what they told us, or simply “the way life is”?
I stopped hosting for the sake of hosting.
Instead, I have been following one question further and further down:
What does liberation actually require?
Not as a philosophy or spiritual aspiration.
As an applied practice.
What has to be seen so it can be disentangled, deleted, and allowed to cease?
I don’t know where the investigation or the practice ends.
The work gets more intense.
More specific.
More intentional.
But perhaps creating the future was never about adding more to it.
Perhaps we have to stop feeding the machinery of the past long enough to discover what kind of future we can create.
P.S. Looking back, I can see the breadcrumbs
I spent ten years in Tibetan Buddhism on the path of liberation. Later, I practiced Arhatic Yoga through Pranic Healing. Each expanded my framework for understanding purification, transformation, and liberation.
I see them now as steps on a much longer staircase.
My work continues as an applied investigation.
What can be identified, disentangled, and deleted through dowsing and other clearing work?
And what becomes possible when it does?
Randi Green’s work opened that inquiry into a far larger architecture of our reality. Her work has deeply influenced how I understand what this reality is, what binds us to this reality field, and what liberation might actually require.
If this inquiry speaks to you, I encourage you to explore and donate to Randi’s work directly.